Everything Is Already Something: Allison and Anthony Get Drunk and Go To HOODSLAM, PART 2

We’re trying a little experiment where two of our columnists are working together on the same story. Here’s Allison Page, bringing you part two today. Also, while posting this, I (Stuart) ate a Choco-Taco, and feel it’s very important that you know that.

When last we left our heroes, they had just realized that due to their lack of eating dinner, they had four drinks in a little over an hour…on an empty stomach. And the first match hadn’t even started yet.

9:15 PM:

Anthony: After the memorial for Butternuts, business picks up as the Hoodslam Band fires up and Broseph takes the stage and takes an audience already at 9.5 to 11 Million. They love this fuckin’ guy.

Allison: They’re not the only ones. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. And before you ask, no I don’t have a problem. Shut up. The opening of Hoodslam is always crazy, loud, and filled with chanting from the fans who also know the opening speech so well, they shout it along with Broseph.

Anthony: Broseph shares some words about his dear friend, Butternuts or “My LIttle Bronie”. All of the sudden he’s interrupted by the horrible man who killed butternuts last month, The “One-Eyed Dickless Monster” Brian Kendrick. (Last month, Before being killed, Butternuts bit off Kendricks penis and took out an eye, which if you compare to a lot of ancient Greek theatre it’s not that weird.) HOLY SHIT, IT’S PAUL LONDON. (They were a tag team together and former WWE Tag Team Champs, and they’re here.). Then, The Stoner Brothers (Another Tag Team, who in fact smoke a lot of weed in the ring.) come out to defend the honor of Butternuts, and they will square off in the Main Event Tonight! This is all completely logical and normal because Wrestling.

Anthony: Broseph takes his place at the announce table, he will provide commentary throughout the evening. In effect, he is the narrator of the story. First match is a Six-person tag team match (That’s two, three person tag teams.): We are just excited about everything right now. And wouldn’t you know it, one of the wrestlers in the match is our new best friend Zangeif, this guy is awesome, is he the good guy or the bad guy? I don’t care, I hope he wins. He doesn’t but that’s okay, because in wrestling, winning doesn’t matter, it’s how badass you looked.

Allison: I sort of remember this? Wow, am I losing things already?

Editors note: This is the point where we only tracked time for when we drank, not for the matches, so things might be off a bit.

9:37 PM

Anthony: Allison is pulling ahead of me with her next drink, she went to the bathroom and came back with another cocktail, maaaaan. Round 6, Whiskey and Ginger

Allison: Drinks are important. And that makes the bathroom also important. But when you have 1,000 people crammed into a room and you have managed to secure a spot right next to the ring, your best move is to befriend a dozen people around you, to form enough of a bond that they feel a sham loyalty to you and it’s understood that they should hold your spot. THIS WORKS REALLY FUCKING WELL.

Anthony: Around now(ish) a four-way match begins. (That means four wrestlers all fight at once.) The winner would become the Number-one contender For the “Golden Gig”, their version of a Championship. The combatants were Sub-Zero (Of Mortal Kombat Fame) appropriately escorted to the stage by Sindel (If you don’t get it, google it, if you do get it, you’re a nerd.), Ken (of Street Fighter fame), who was escorted by Cammy. (It’s important to note that Cammy and her Ass receive separate introductions, “Cammy’s Ass” chant’s are common.) The third competitor was named Juiced Lee, rounding out the group was “The Mexican Werewolf”, El Chupacabra. He was bad-ass. In the end, Sub-Zero got the win, with a mind blowing freeze move, which involved blue silly string, but I got the point. Peter lost his shit.

Allison: I think this was near the time that I spilled whiskey in the ring (yes, I was that close to it) and started laughing. I think I winked at somebody. It’s hard to say. I made Peter hold my phone. Ya know, because it’s soooo cumbersome.

9:51 PM (We’ll Assume)

Anthony: Screw you guys I’m getting another drink, I battle through the sea of humanity and eventually make my way back just in time for the next match. Anthony’s

round 6: Whiskey and Ginger Ale, because apparently we hate change.

Allison: Never mix, never worry! (Yes, that is a Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf reference)

Anthony: Oh dang, it’s the Intergalactic Cyborg Death Match. Remember when we mention the guy with giant wrench hand? This is where that comes into play. His name is Techno Destructo, his opponent tonight is Doc Atrocity. I’m pretty sure that the folks who designed GWAR’s outfits made this one. It’s a glorious robot fight, it ends with Wrench-hand (Not his given wrestler name.) HAVING IT CUT OFF BY ANOTHER GUY WITH A CHAINSAW ROBOT HAND! DEAR LORD! THERE ARE SLIMEY CYBORG GUTS EVERYWHERE! It is at this point, the audience chants “This is Real”.

Allison: I am STILL grossed out about whatever that yellow gloppy stuff was. It landed 4 inches from my hand. Peter wiped it up with a towel that he found. I guess he found a towel.

10:10 PM

Anthony: We are officially drunk, Allison looks back at me and says “I CAN SEE TWO OF YOU!.” Man, we got drunk fast, the Metro makes cheap, stiff drinks people. God bless em all.

Allison: I don’t remember that and I don’t deny it.

10:12 PM

Anthony: In between matches, as he does throughout the show, Brody is circling around the ring with a bottle of whiskey, he pours shots into the mouths and cups of fans at ringside, he sees Allison, gives her a wink that can only say “I picked you up earlier, literally” and pours a shot into her mouth. She is now at drink 7.

Allison: Now this I DO remember. Because while I got 80% of the whiskey in my mouth, the other 20% ended up on my body like some terrible, unsatisfying version of Girls Gone Wild.

Anthony: The next match is high drama it was SUPPOSED to be Dark Sheik (AKA our other new best friend) VS Marty McFlux BUT out come The Butabi Brothers, “The Nights of the Roxbury” as they enter to “What is Love’’ it’s exactly what you think it is, friggin hilarious-awesome, I’M DRUNK NOW SO IM GONNA TALK IN CAPS AND INVENT NEW WORDS USING A HYPHEN. Last month The Dark Sheik predicted Anthony Butabi was gonna die in a month, and you just can’t go around saying that shit. So it is ON.

10:47 PM (Give or Take):

Anthony: Allison has round 8, I have dropped out, because at this point, it may harm me in a not funny way. Luckily, I’m pretty wasted, the atmosphere in the building is in fact 72% Marijuana smoke.

Allison: This is where I started shouting “WHERE’S ANTHONY? DID ANTHONY DIE? OH MY GOD WE KILLED ANTHONY!”

Anthony: I decide to go outside for a few minutes to breathe air, there’s a sweet spot in the outdoor smoking area where you can still see the show. This is where I hung for a while. And thank god I did, because the next match features Team GAME OVER, a team consisting of a man named “Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer” (Or PONG) and his partner,”Fucking Obese Nerdy Gamer” a very large man who eats and throws most of his food into the crowd, food like cottage cheese (Last month) , this month god only knows, but I’m happy to not be in the splash zone. Teaming up with Jesus Cruz, also known as “Super Barrio Brother”, they riled up the audience like classic old school wrestling heels (bad guys), they threw food. Thier opponents tonight, Cereal Man ( A Wrestler who wears a large cereal box on his head when entering the ring, and is actually really good.), “The Dark Noche” Bat Manuel, and (Drumroll) “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder, Excitement abounds. I was still towards the back, so I have no idea if Allison started crying, I’ll assume she did.

Allison: I’m pretty sure he threw fucking NACHOS this time. Thankfully it’s harder to spread nachos around, so I think it was concentrated on one part of the audience. I did not get hit. Otherwise I don’t remember that match. It’s just nachos to me.

11:20 PM (ESQUE)

Anthony: I hate myself for aging, I used to be in the front row for everything, now I’m just an old bastard who needs to sit down for a moment. That and my balance is awesome right. Look at me, I used to be young and beautiful, I could do 6 shots and then cartwheels. OH DANG! I get my 55th wind as Ini Kamoze’s seminal classic “Here Comes The Hotstepper” begins to play. Because that means the Hoodslam Golden Gig Champion is coming out, that man is Drugz Bunny. He wears a rubber bunny nose and uses cocaine like Popeye uses spinach (Fake, one assumes, unless Hoodslam’s budget is insane.) Oh, and he’s an awesome wrestler. This match is a great time to point out this isn’t just all silliness, there is also some fantastic wrestling (If that’s your thing.) Drugz and Virgil Flynn III put on a rad match. I’m 26 sheets to the wind and in full-on Mark-Mode (Mark: Def; A big wrestling fan, traditionally not “in on the joke.”). I am the Bee Girl at the end of the Blind Melon Video ( For everyone under 30, just google it)

Allison: I think I started leaning pretty hard on the person next to me at this point. I don’t remember the match, which is too bad because I have teenage crushes on both Drugz and Virgil. Oh well. Next time.

11:45 PM (ISH)

Anthony: The crowd has thinned out a bit, so I make my way back to Allison and Peter. Peter is a saint because Allison is…jovial.

Allison: HEY GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Anthony: What wrong with being jovial? I’m hecka jovial. I’m about to watch London and Kendrick, I’m in Wrestle-Nerd heaven. With one second of their entrance music the audience goes batshit for London and Kendrick’s opponent, “FROM STONER UNIVERSITY IN BLUNTSVILLE, SMOKELAHOMA”, the Heroes of Hoodslam, The Stoner Brothers. They bring an entourage of people with them, including a guy with a huge beard and their cheerleader, lady wrestler and my teenage crush, Missy Hyashit (Pronounced “High as Shit”). The match is action packed and then, Paul London in a classic heel move, reaches into his trunks and pulls out…his balls.

Allison: At first I thought they had to be fake, and then I realized…no. Those are balls. Those are totally balls.

Anthony: Like really, he then proceeds to wrestle the rest of the match with his balls out. Which I assume is a metaphor for how hard he works.

Allison: A couple of times, the balls tried to crawl back into the shorts – probably at the peak of testicular awareness – like they KNEW they weren’t supposed to be out…and then he would pull them back out again, convention be damned.

Anthony: Now the action has gone outside the ring onto that dirty, dirty floor. In order to help her team, Missy Hyashit (Pronounced High as Shit) gives her name a double meaning as she climbs to the top rope, AND HURLS HERSELF ONTO LONDON AND KENDRICK IN THE CROWD, SWEET BABY JESUS! There are hearts coming out of my head. Jump to me Missy I shall catch you, or I’ll have peter do it for me with his big dreamy arms. The drama continues in the ring when just when you think the Stoners will get the pin, London and Kendrick rob the coffin and use Butternuts corpse as a weapons, those MONSTERS! Kendrick uses a superkick with Butternut’s head on his boot and gets the pin. The villains run off into the night until next month, what a show. I’m all liquor and emotions.

12:12 AM

Anthony: headed home, Allison is significantly younger and drunker than me. We are starving, We beg Peter to take us somewhere where there are cheesy fries, we are starving Mogwai’s after midnight. But his willpower is too strong,

Allison: What Anthony doesn’t know is that after we dropped him off, I started demanding a crunch wrap supreme. So much so that we went through the Taco Bell drive thru, when we did this we heard “Welcome to Taco Bell…we’re closed.” which enraged me because STOP ANSWERING IF YOU’RE CLOSED. So I ended up eating 3 carrots Peter had in his fridge. Carrots as drunk food are extremely disappointing.

12:30 AM

Anthony: I got home, fried a bunch of stuff and made a bagel sandwich. It tasted like victory. This was such a ridiculously fun night. The show was awesome, The Metro was awesome and we met a lot of cool people. There’s really nothing like Hoodslam, it’s a church built on the rock of fun. The performers are there to have fun, the audience is there to do the same. I will be there next month, and if we’ve made any point here, it’s that you should be too.

Allison: There’s no denying it’s a theatrical experience. Even the wrestlers themselves say as much. In fact, when I approached one of the wrestlers pre-show, he said “I’d love to talk to you afterward about what you thought about our storyline.” Maybe if I’d had one less whiskey ginger, I could have made that happen.

This article is dedicated to the Memory of Butternuts

Allison Page is a writer/actor/comedian who loves whiskey.
Anthony Miller is a theater-maker, wrestling fanatic, and tall man.

The Five: Allison and Anthony Get Drunk and Go To HOODSLAM- PART ONE

Today we’re crossing over THE FIVE and EVERYTHING IS ALREADY SOMETHING, as Anthony Miller explains below. Think of it like when characters from one TV show, guest star on another: wackiness ensues. Enjoy watching worlds collide, and let us know if you want more!

This week, we’re doing something a little different. Allison and I are eschewing our usual formats to periodically take you on theatergoing adventures, with liquor. For our inaugural article, we decided to head out to the Oakland Metro for the “Accidental Phenomenon” known as HOODSLAM. A Pro-wrestling show that makes itself unique by a self-awareness, performance art approach and a remarkable bond with their fans. There are also three bars inside the venue, an ideal location.
The following is an attempted oral history of the events of May 1st, 2015. They are based on notes, recorded interviews, and extremely hazy recollections.

6:45 PM

Anthony Miller: We roll up to the Oakland Metro fashionably late, because traffic.

Allison Page: And because I was being carefully packaged into a very tight dress, which was totally worth it, otherwise, why even go?

Anthony: We’d been rushing the whole time, with no time for pre-gaming, we arrive stone cold sober. We get in with no problems and are taken backstage, where a lot of dudes are changing. Everyone seems to be cool with it.

Allison: AND SOME LADIES. But most importantly, there was a man with a giant wrench for an arm back there. Peter runs off to find Broseph Joe Brody (Also known as AJ Kirsch), because there’s nothing my male friends take more delight in than humiliating me in the vicinity of muscular men. I start darting around trying to look like I’m doing something – and failing. Damn it. Bar’s not open yet. I disappear for a while and hide behind tables and chairs.

Anthony: I chat with Khan Abadi one of Hoodslam’s founders (Wrestling as The Dark Sheik), while he was changing, totally not awkward. He speaks about pro wrestling not as a sport but an art form:

“When it’s done correctly it’s an all-encompassing performance, the best wrestlers are the one who can improvise, have a character, connect with the crowd in the moment, while being athletically impressive” It’s definitely a performance. If anyone thinks it’s just guys hitting each other, they’re highly mistaken.”

“Wrestling tells a story just like anything tells a story, whether it’s a movie, or a tv show, a book, a song, a poem, whatever. It’s all the same thing, it’s characters taking you on a ride and putting you somewhere you weren’t…we’re putting these characters in motion and ideally we want you to see them as alive, full 3-D, real entities, if not real people.”

Talking to Khan isn’t like talking to a Football player about his sport, this feels like speaking to an artist who takes his work seriously. “It’s just the underlying feeling of wanting to be artistic, wanting to do what we want to do in way that is true to us and organic, we’re not trying to imitate anything or recreate anything.”

Allison: This is about the time I spotted Ultra Girl Brittany Wonder for the first time and fled the room because she’s my favorite and WHY ISN’T THE BAR OPEN YET?! GET YOUR DICKS IN A ROW. Okay, calm down.

Anthony: The birth of Hoodslam sounds more like an art movement than a wrestling show. One that came from Oakland’s DIY nature. “A lot of us have been wrestling for a lot of years and we’ve been doing it with companies…how do you wanna say it? We were working for companies that wanted to be WWE but with one millionth the budget, and WWE is great entertainment for those who like it but, it isn’t the highest of brow or the most challenging; it’s for a broad audience. We want to do things that are a little more challenging, a little more niche, maybe a lot more niche.”

He emphasizes that non wrestling fans can still love Hoodslam, and that’s the idea. “We don’t want just the wrestling audience, they’re already there, if they see us and like us, that’s great. We want to introduce us to new people, to show this is just another medium for Storytelling, another form of art…I’d consider us Performance Art.”

7:05 PM

Anthony: Perhaps the most important achievement of the night came early, we are in the presence of Hoodslam host, “Broseph” Joe Brody, he is a marble statue of a man and Allison loves him.

Allison: I think a did a cartoon wolf tongue thing. Also I think my face was purple. I was a purple-faced cartoon wolf but I had FABULOUS posture because my dress was so fucking tight.

Anthony: Peter arranges for Allison’s dream to come true.

Allison: What he said was “Can you please lift my friend up so we can just get a picture of you carrying her?” and then I squawked “YOU DON’T HAVE TO! YOU DON’T HAVE TO, REALLY!” while secretly mind-whispering “Do it. Do it now. Cradle me like bundle of fruit in the desert.”

Anthony: He picks her up with one arm and they take the picture. We never did get to ask any questions, but I think the photo says it all.

Allison: I had an actual out of body experience. He’s like a stack of bricks with a face. I mean that in the most positive way, believe me. He’s like if the Sistine Chapel was just a guy…in a tank top.

7:15 PM

Anthony: The bar in the venue isn’t open yet and we’re getting antsy. Talking to strangers sober is hard. There’s a guy walking around who looks like he’s not busy, and he’s definitely a wrestler, because he’s wearing his wrestler pants. As he walked by I stopped him, introduced ourselves and we started to chat. Usually wrestling by the name Alexis Darevko, tonight he goes by Zangeif.

He regails us with stories of times he almost threw up in ring. They involve cottage cheese, hot dogs and fake placenta. “Surprises happen, but usually not surprises that make me puke”.

Allison: I bring up that it’s terrifying to me that they jump out of the ring and fight on the ground — right there on the concrete floor in the audience. You don’t know what’s on the floor! It could be anything! It could be more cottage cheese and hot dogs! Alexis agrees: it’s truly disgusting and he wipes all the toxic possibilities off the bottom of his shoes later.

Anthony: Alexis gives a lot of credit to the fans for Hoodslam’s success. “The fans are really the biggest character in the show.” It’s true, the audience has a deep connection with the show, for many of them it’s the highlight of their month. Alexis adds; “For the Wrestlers too, it’s like Vacation.” Most of the Wrestlers in Hoodslam make their living (or at least try to) on the indie wrestling circuit. But Hoodslam is different. “It’s our way of saying ‘Hey, I don’t have to deal with usual bullshit politics of wrestling…and we have fun with our friends.” But Alexis can’t thank the fans enough, he shares stories about so many great interactions he had with them. It’s clear we picked an awesome guy to talk to.

Allison: PS he hates the term indie wrestling. You can tell the bar still isn’t open at this point, because I can actually remember him saying that.

7:45 PM

Anthony: Post interview, we ran into my friend Jeanine, she pulled us aside and gave us…our first drink. She hands us a chilled flask and says “Here you go, Ice Cold Fireball”. It was warming and delightful, and Allison’s hands stopped shaking. Just kidding (Not Really)

Allison: You’ll never know the truth.

7:48 PM

Anthony: CAN THE BAR FRIGGIN OPEN ALREADY? We can’t have drunken hijinks if we aren’t drunken. You know what happens when your blog has no drunken hijinks? No page hits. I see my friend Krystal, who is one of the bartenders there, so I run over and get an update. She says soon, when the lights go down,” That sounds like a long time. Since I’m there, I ask her what she thinks about the show. She replies: “I think Hoodslam is the most awesome, original event anyone can come to in the bay, probably the whole country. “

Allison: I spot Brittany again. I can’t bring myself to interview her, but I manage to go up and buy one of her “Turn Down for Butt” t-shirts (she’s known for attacking her opponents with her butt — an idea I can really get behind) then I sheepishly lumber off to put it in the car.

7:51 PM

Anthony: I go back to Peter and Allison by the front door and-HEY! That guy just got a beer! That means the bar is open, kind of — exact change only. That’ll do. We have our second drink, cheap shitty beer for me, cheap shitty Whiskey for Allison.

Allison: Go cheap or go home.

8:11 PM

Anthony: Game on, bars are open, round 3 is Whiskey and Ginger Ales.

8:15 PM

Anthony: We’re all ringside, the show won’t be starting for another 45 minutes, because if you want to start the show at nine, tell everyone 8. We got a few cool interviews but not enough. I tell Allison she should go outside and interview folks, she’s still hesitant, I cajole her, lead her to the door, psych her up and she’s off to interview wrestlers, I’m very proud, now back to drinking.

Allison: This is it. I have her in my sights: Ultra Girl Brittany Wonder. She’s laughing with some friends, it’s all I can do to keep myself from doing that weird sitcom thing where you wander up next to a group of laughing people and also start laughing, pretending you know what the fuck they’re talking about. Instead I tap her on the shoulder like a real person would. She’s happy to talk to me. She talks about the beginnings of Hoodslam. 5 minutes in I finally get around to asking if it’s cool if I record the conversation. Oops. She talks about how it feels like they’re a family.

Brittany: When we started out it was like 100 people, and then 200 people, 400 people, 600 people, 800 til now — we sell out. We have to turn like 400 people away at the door. It’s amazing, we’re one of the biggest wrestling companies in the United States and we started out just doing something that we love. All these companies are so serious. You can tell a lot of the guys just don’t wanna be there. And to be a pro wrestler you have to go through way too much bullshit to not have fun and to not want it. It was heartbreaking to see — but WE always had fun. A lot of us have known each other for 10+ years and we really do call ourselves a family.

This is where I started babbling a lot about how she’s really great. I’ll spare you most of that, but basically I geeked out about how the only other time I’ve been to Hoodslam, I saw Brittany fight Charlie Chaplin…who is invisible. So she’s just fighting no one. It was amazing.

Back to me being an okay interviewer: “What’s it like…I mean, there aren’t a lot of women in wrestling.”

Brittany: It was weird cuz, like, I trained with guys, my trainer was a male…so when people say ‘oh, intergender wrestling is wrong–

Allison: Wait, do people say that?

Brittany: All the time, dude, all the time.

Allison: Because, what, they feel like the men are just gonna overpower the women?

Brittany: Exactly. And then when it’s like ‘Oh man she’s kicking his ass!’ either they get really into it or they’re like ‘Oh that’s not believable.’ And it’s funny because…I mean, I’ve had women come to me in tears that have been in like abusive relationships and shit and they’re like ‘You are amazing. Thank you so much.’ and that’s the most amazing thing ever.

I’m going to interject with my own commentary here and say that when we got to this part of the conversation it felt very…sort of emotional. I mean, we’re both pretty tough chicks but that’s a really powerful thing to have happen — for someone to tell you that the thing you do or make — the art of your performance (because it IS an art) spoke to them when they were really dealing with something. That’s a big deal. I’ve seen lots of plays that didn’t do that for me. Here’s something I love about her in the ring, and love about Hoodslam: yes, she’s a woman, but there is nothing about how her opponents are responding to her, that ever makes you feel like the men don’t think of her as an equal. If it did feel that way…I probably wouldn’t have loved it so much. Okay, back to Brittany.

Brittany: I don’t understand people can’t see that stuff. It’s the underdog story. That’s why I’m so popular, I really am the ultimate underdog. I’m one of the smallest people on this roster, but I have a lot of heart.

Allison: A lot of the women here aren’t physically very large.”

Brittany: Yeah, but we’re a lot faster, we’re more flexible, we have different avenues. It doesn’t have to just be brute strength.

Then we hugged. That was a fucking great interview.

8:48 PM

Anthony: She’s back, Round 4. More whiskey and ginger ale.

8:52 PM

Anthony: The crowd is getting feisty; clouds of pot smoke pop up through the crowd all drifting upward and towards the ring. The crowd gather around three sides of the ring. Behind the ring is a stage with a coffin on it surrounded with flowers. There is a funeral tonight to honor a wrestler who died last month. That wrestlers name was Butternuts, and he was a large stuffed horse. The pre-show music is all songs about death and remembrance, and now they’re playing “Freebird”, that’s sound design people, that’s creating a mood.

9:05 PM

Anthony: The show begins with the funeral procession and a video plays with The Sundays cover of “Wild Horses” provides background. This is is the funniest shit ever, it’s smart and dumb all at once. Now the audience is chanting “This is Tragic (Clap Clap ClapClapClap)”. After the video tribute, three women dressed in black enter the ring and begin to sing a soulful rendition of “Pony” by Genuine. (Cause he was a stuffed horse, get it? ) They are almost like goth Libation Bearers. Also, these drinks are really strong.

Allison: Holy shit that Pony rendition was amazing.

Anthony: Oddly enough its not the first cover of “Pony” I’ve ever heard, obviously we’ve all underestimated the songs relevance. I should also note we will see all three of these women later in the night as wrestlers. Oh lord, hot lady wrestlers with tattoos, if you looked up “out of my league” in the dictionary, there would be a picture of them waving.

9:10 PM

Anthony: At some point we got a fifth drink, I’m not sure what happened, things are a little hard to remember. Although the place is absolutely packed, so going to the bar involves swimming through a dense sea of humanity, sweaty humanity. It’s not a forgettable experience. Then it occurs to us, we forgot to eat.

Allison: Uh ohhhhh…

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO, TOMORROW!

Spoiler alert – Allison starts to get really forgetful, someone’s testicles come out to play, and a man’s giant wrench arm gets chopped off.

Anthony Miller is a theater-making wrestling enthusiast.
Allison Page has a big butt she is considering using to attack her opponents. She’s also a writer.

Extra special thanks to Peter Townley who took most if not all of these photos and moved Allison out of the way every time she was in the line of fire.