Hi-Ho, the Glamorous Life: The Tech Set

Marissa Skudlarek eavesdrops at tech rehearsal.

NOTE: potential spoilers ahead for The Desk Set!

I’m writing this late at night, after our final dress rehearsal for The Desk Set. It went really well, but I have no energy left for profound thoughts or insights — just some observations of life backstage and onstage.

It occurred to me that if you’ve never participated in a theatrical production, you might not realize that tech and dress rehearsals require intelligent adults to have serious conversations about things that would sound utterly ridiculous to an outside observer.

Over the past week, I have participated in or overheard serious conversations about all of the following subjects:

• How can we make a wax candle not look like a wax candle?
• Where can we obtain vast quantities of dot-matrix printer paper with stuff printed on it already?
• Were there champagne splits in 1955?
• Were there ZIP codes in 1955?
• Was there pantyhose in 1955?
• If we accidentally put something onstage that is not historically accurate for 1955, is anyone going to care?
• What lipstick colors from the 1950s are still being sold by Revlon?
• Why, scientifically speaking, will a champagne bottle explode backstage in a hot dressing room?
• Will a champagne-soaked rabbit hand puppet survive a trip through the washing machine?
• Where can we get a hair dryer to dry out the rabbit puppet after we wash him?
• Why the hell did William Marchant, the playwright, write a gag that involves a bottle of champagne being pulled from a stuffed rabbit?
• What is the “craziest,” i.e. most ridiculously padded bra, that Victoria’s Secret sells?
• What is the best way for me to shove my foam-rubber-enhanced chest in the face of another actor and then hustle him offstage while tango-dancing?
• When is the ideal moment for one actor to deliver the line “boop-boop-a-doop” to a beeping faux computer that is made of cardboard?
• Would Allison Page, Megan Briggs, and Stuart Bousel even have produced The Desk Set in the first place if they’d known how many props would be required?

Marissa Skudlarek is a San Francisco-based playwright, arts writer, and sometime actress. See her (and a stuffed rabbit and a lot of other props) onstage in The Desk Set, July 9 to 25 at EXIT Theatre. Tickets here.

The Five: 2014/15 Preview Pt. 2: Independent/Standalone/Special Events I’m Excited About

Anthony R Miller returns with part 2 of his 2014/15 preview. This week we look at shows that aren’t part of a formal subscription season.

Last time, we looked at 5 shows coming up I was really excited to see that were part of a company’s formal season. This week we’re looking at events in the next 15 months that could be considered an independent or standalone show or a special event.

EVERYTHING ALLISON PAGE IS DOING

Fellow Theatre Pub writer, Allison Page is primed to have a huge year. Her new one-act play; Hellhound (her take on the Cerberus myth) will be at the 2014 San Francisco Olympians Festival, and that’s just the beginning. So I figured why not just dedicate a whole slot to her. Here’s what her 2015 is looking like:

HILARITY

Allison writes and stars in this new play directed by Claire Rice, about a woman named Cyd, a comedian on the edge of destruction. Don’t be fooled by the title, this show not only promises laughs, but promises to show the dark side of funny people. It asks the question “What does it matter how good you are at something, if you don’t know how to be a person?” This filthy, drunk, smoking, sexing, throwing-things bonanza is a co-production of DIVAfest and The San Francisco Theater Pub and opens March 5th, 2015 at The Exit.

DESK SET

This William Marchant play from 1955 about 4 women working for a television studio has long been a dream project for Allison. And in this time of industriousness, Ms. Page, Megan Briggs and No Nude Men are teaming up to make it happen. The Desk Set is funny, surprisingly timely, and features a huge cast. (Including Allison as Bunny, the role made famous by Katherine Hepburn.) Stuart Bousel is at the helm as director and the play opens at the EXIT in July 2015.

KILLING MY LOBSTER

Earlier this year, Allison became Co-Creative director of SF’s sketch comedy troupe; Killing my Lobster. Since arriving, she and Millie DeBenedet have combined an ambitious agenda with a back to basics approach. For the first time, they are producing a new show every month, and soon premiering a sketch comedy podcast.

WRESTLEMANIA 31

Let’s argue semantics and what constitutes a “Theatrical Event” on another day, because C’MON IT’S WRESTLEMANIA! Professional Wrestling’s Super Bowl is coming to the brand new Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara this March. There gonna be pyrotechnics, dudes rolling around in man-panties and easy to understand story lines that always end with punching. In addition to this gigantic show, the WWE will host its annual Hall Of Fame Ceremony in San Jose 2 days prior. Does this all sound ridiculous? It sure does, and I can’t wait.

PIANO FIGHT’S NEW VENUE

Artistic Director Rob Ready and the folks at Pianofight are about to potentially change the landscape of Bay Area theatre. Following an incredibly successful Kickstarter Campaign and months of anticipation Pianofight is getting ready to open a brand spanking new venue. This place sounds insane, 3 theatres, office space, a studio and a restaurant. This means more venues to rent, more rehearsal space and a home for everything Pianofight does. As if this wasn’t enough, their new show; Roughin’ It is running right now in an outdoor venue in Lagunitas, and Rob Ready has his All-Things-Theatre podcast; Born Ready. The new venue is slated to open in late 2014, so get ready for a lot of big things coming from that building in 2015..

THE 2014 SAN FRANCISCO OLYMPIANS FESTIVAL: THE MONSTER BALL

If you’re not excited about this event, you’re a jerk, because you probably have a friend working on it. Celebrating its fifth year, the festival features 28 new plays by 30 writers, 17 directors, 80+ actors, and 13 artists. Every year the festival focuses on a different aspect of Greek Mythology (Last year was the Trojan War), this year focuses on The Monsters. Get ready for tales of Three-Headed Dogs, Lion-Goat-Snake beasts and the correct pronunciation of Chimera. There is nothing like the Olympians Festival, it’s a 3 week celebration of Independent Art and Theatre in the San Francisco Bay Area. With so many stories, writers, actors and artists, there’s gonna be something you like.

TERROR-RAMA

Is promoting my own show tacky? You Bet. But if I can’t abuse my journalistic might, then what’s the point? And hey, the title is “Shows I’m Excited About” and I’m friggin excited. TR (Which is also short for Trespassers William.) has had two developmental readings, a successful Kickstarter campaign and we go into rehearsal in just under two weeks. TERROR-RAMA features two brand new one-act horror-plays. (Insert your “A Play in Two Axe” jokes here) The first is Creep, written by my dear friend and fellow SFSU alum Nick Pappas. It’s dark, disturbing and actually kind of funny when no-one is being murdered. The second is Camp Evil, written by me. It’s a very silly, very bloody tribute to summer camp slasher flicks. Think, “Sleepaway Camp meets That 70’s Show”. The whole shebang is hosted by Sindie Chopper, our very own late night Horror-Host in the tradition of Vampira, but dorkier. Director Colin Johnson has assembled a great cast of 8 actors and an amazing group of designers. As a Co-Writer and Co-Producer, I can’t wait to put this out there. Also, go to the website and check out THE TERROR-RAMA DIARIES, our very own production diary with tons of insight from members of the artistic staff. This show will be funny, scary, weird and entertaining as fuck. It opens October 17 at the EXIT Theatre.

Anthony R. Miller is a Writer, Director, Producer and that guy that won’t stop calling you about your theatre subscription. He already plugged his show.

Cowan Palace: Shut Up And Act

Ashley Cowan has ten auditions for you to sign up for right now. Well, maybe read the blog first. Then get out there, kid! It’s time to be a star!

Fall is coming early, friends. And I’m of course referring to the return of Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. Which will be available in a mere FIVE DAYS (on August 25)!

Also, keeping with the Theater Pub trend of looking ahead at autumn offerings and reading about the upcoming theater we all have to look forward to coming this season, I started to wonder how the audition scene was looking for non-AEA San Francisco based actors.

The good news? There’s a scene! The better news? I’m going tell you ten auditions to sign up for right now. They may not all strike your theatrical fancy, sure, but if you’ve been sitting around all summer missing the stage, here’s your chance to get back on it. In between double fisting your pumpkin caffeine juice, of course.

Well, this first audition is for a film and it’s TODAY. But it can’t hurt to try and submit, right? Who knows maybe you’re perfect for it!

1) Banquet Productions’ “Labyrinth in Time” – August 20 (THAT’S TODAY!)

Shakespeare nerds! They’re searching for: actors for short film written in iambic pentameter. 2M (30-40); 1F (30-40).

Writer/Director: Hank Voge; the film will shoot in early October in a variety of Bay Area spots. To book a last minute appointment contact: Producer, Gabriel Brown, gabe@banquetproductions.com.

Looking to break out into well rehearsed song and dance? Here are a few auditions of the musical variety for you to check out!

2) FOGG Theatre’s “The Cable Car Nymphomaniac” – August 24.

Okay, the title alone is intriguing, right? Well, for this sexy piece, you’ll need two contemporary songs (one minute each). They are hoping to find: 3M (20s-30s, tenors, 1 to G, 1 to G & dancer, 1 to B & dancer); 4F (20s-30s, 1 belter & dancer; 1 2nd soprano, low A to high F#, & dancer; 1 belter to high E-flat; 1 low alto, low F to D4, & dancer).

The Playwrights are: Kirsten Guenter and Tony Asaro and the Director is: Terry Berliner. The audition is August 24 from 10AM-6PM (callbacks August 26 from 7-11PM). Salle Pianos, 1632C Market St., San Francisco. Rehearsals start on December 2 and the show performs January 15-February 1 at Z Below, 470 Florida Street, San Francisco. And it pays! $600-$1,400 bucks. For more information and to schedule your audition, contact: namnguyen@foggtheatre.org.

3) Indelible Voices Project’s “The Little Match Girl”

If you love puppets like I do, check this out. They’re looking for: performers with strong musical theatre skills for multimedia puppet show. 1M (20-50, baritone); 3F (30-60, soprano/alto), 1F (10-18, soprano); 2 any gender (10-15, soprano/alto).

Playwrights: Marcus Duskin and Katrina Cameron
Send voice recordings via email; those called back will sing samples from score. Stipend available. Callbacks will be middle to late September. Rehearsals begin in November and the show performs December 13-21 in San Francisco and Berkeley. To apply for an audition, send voice recordings and information to: marcusd@igc.org.

4) Steve Silver Productions, Inc.’s – “Steve Silver’s Beach Blanket Babylon” – September 13

For this iconic show, you need one ballad and one uptempo number (please be ready with sheet music in your key as an accompanist will be provided) Bonus points if you can imitate some pop culture icons and you come ready with your dancing shoes!

Playwright: Steve Silver. Auditions are September 13 at 2PM at Club Fugazi, 678 Beach Blanket Babylon Blvd., San Francisco and the performances are ongoing. The show also provides a competitive salary and sweet benefits!
Info: auditions@beachblanketbabylon.com; ­beachblanketbabylon.com/auditions/index.shtml

5) General Singer Auditions for High Seas

Sponsored by the St. Francis Yacht Club, this one is just for the ladies! They’re seeking two singers to join their 12-voice, female jazz vocal group. The auditions will take place in early September and they’ll be looking for a first soprano and first alto. For more information and details contact: Auditions Chair, Janet Mansinne: janetmehlhop@yahoo.com

Always wanted to do a play for kids? Awesome. Get out there and audition for this!

6) San Francisco Youth Theatre’s “In and Out of Shadows” – September 4

You’ll need: 16 bars to be sung acapella and clothes to move around in to dance.
They’re looking for: 2M & 3F (18-26, Latino, Filipino or other Asian). Spanish, Chinese &/or Tagalog language facility a+.

The Playwrights are: Soto, Klion and Brooks and the Director is: Cliff Mayotte. Auditions are September 4 from 4:30-7PM (callbacks are September 9) at Brava Theater, 2781 24th St., San Francisco. Rehearsals begin September 11 and the show performs November 23-December 7 and Brava Theater and Fresno City College with a possible tour to follow. Stipend and travel expenses available! To book an audition slot, send your headshot/resume to: Emily Klion, sfyouththeatre@gmail.com.

Are readings more your thing right now? Who wants to memorize words, anyway? Then you need to check out this audition!

7) San Francisco Olympians Festival – September 28 and 29

They are looking for literally DOZENS of actors for this festival of new plays running November 5-22! Rehearsals will be in October and November and will include a maximum of 3-5 meetups for each show.

For more information about the festival and the plays involved, visit: http://www.sfolympians.com. Auditions are September 28, 2PM-10PM, and September 29, 7-10PM, at the Exit Theater. Please email: sfolympians@gmail.com to schedule an audition slot.

Straight up theater is your jam, huh? These are all for you, actor face!

8) Alma Theatre Company’s “You Are My Sunshine” – September 19

Bring a contemporary monologue and prepare to cold read. They’re looking for: 1M (20s-60s), 1M (20s-50s), 1M (20s-30s); 1F (mid-40s), 1F (20s-50s), 1F (20s).

Playwright/Director: Kelli Colaco, auditions are September 19 with rehearsals beginning in mid November at the San Francisco Playhouse Rehearsal Space, 323 Geary St. Ste. 211, San Francisco. And, yes, there’s pay. To book an appointment, contact Kelli Colaco: kellicolaco@gmail.com. Info: bykennethjones.com.

9) Custom Made Theatre’s “The Braggart Soldier (or Major Blowhard)” – September 2 and 4

Written by Plautus and adapted and directed by Evren Odcikin, they’re looking for: 3M/2W/2 any gender, any ethnicity. Auditions are September 2 and September 4. Callback will be September 6 with rehearsals beginning on February 24. The show performs March 27-April 26 (with a possible extension to May 2) at Custom Made Theatre, 1620 Gough St, San Francisco. There is a stipend available. For more infomation and to sign up for an audition slot visit: http://www.custommade.org/open-auditions-blowhard/

10) No Nude Men Productions’ “Desk Set” – October 20

This one is just for the fellas! Written by William Marchant and directed by Stuart Bousel, they are seeking men of all ages, races, etc. who have evening and weekend availability in June and July of 2015. The show runs for nine performances, July 10-26 at the Exit Theater in San Francisco and there is a $150 stipend available.

To schedule an audition, send those handsome headshots and resumes to Stuart at: sfolympians@gmail.com with “DESK SET” in the subject line.

So whether you submit to all of these auditions or just get inspired to grab a Pumpkin Spice Latte, the Bay Area theater scene is ready for you. Get off your butt, dust off that monologue or song, and act. That’s all you have to do. As always, I’m rooting for you, kid!