The Five: Five Musicals that need to happen immediately

Anthony R. Miller checks in with five sure-fire hit musicals.

Hey you guys, it seems like anything can be a musical now, and no property is safe. And if it isn’t a new musical adaptation of your favorite 80’s movies, it’s a revival of a show that no matter how many times it’s produced, people just keep seeing it. So in lieu of saying anything substantial about theatre of art or the Bay Area or whatever, My article, nay, MY GIFT to you this week is 5 guaran-damned-teed big money hit musical ideas. You’re welcome.

Joan of Arc: The Musical, Featuring the Music of Pat Benetar

Blending inspirational biopics with the jukebox musical. Joan’s songs would include “Promises in the Dark” (As sung to God). “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” (As she’s being burned at the stake) and of course a bad training montage to “Love is a Battlefield”.

Baby Animals The Musical

Self-explanatory. Highlights include, Tap-dancing Ducklings, Golden Retriever Puppy Hoedown and Kitten Dream Sequence Ballet.


Mark and the gang are now in their mid-forties. Now living in Bushwick, they deal with all of their favorite coffee shops, diners and performance spaces have been turned into condos and high end night clubs. Maureen and Joanne are married yuppies, Mark works for Benny making You-Tube videos. Due to breakthroughs in treatment for HIV and AIDS, everyone else is still alive and figured out there is nothing romantic or counter culture about being broke in your mid-thirties. Subjects include, Maureen and Joanne adopt a French Bulldog, Going to Brunch and everyone gets healthcare by working at Starbucks

Cirque Du Solei Presents: Laser-Floyd

Following such hits as “The Beatles: Love” and their Michael Jackson themed show, it’s only natural they blend their mind boggling French Canadian acrobatics with, the great American combination Pink Floyd songs and lasers. Possible numbers include; A “Wizard of Oz” themed performance of “Dark Side of the Moon”, “Comfortably Numb” doing aerial acrobatics, and a contact improv performance of “Run Like Hell”.

Labyrinth Directed by Julie Taymor

Ok, I’m actually kinda serious about this one. And David Bowie could be in it, cause he doesn’t age. She’ll go millions over budget on real farting rocks an actual trained owl and 30 puppeteers.

Anthony R. Miller is a Writer, Director and Producer, check out his projects at