Higher Education: School’s Out Forever

Barbara Jwanouskos finishes up an important chapter.

Today is my last day of classes and the last official day of the Dramatic Writing program here at CMU. After this, the graduating class of writers flies out to LA to meet with industry professionals, then back to Pittsburgh for commencement, to New York for more meetings with industry professionals, and then we return to Pittsburgh to get things in order. Then, we leave.

It’s a bittersweet moment where I can’t help but be nostalgic, nervous and excited all at the same time. I went into this program because I wanted to radically improve my craft, and it’s happened, but part of me feels like I’m just barely scratching the surface. There is still so much out there to learn and so many opportunities to grow further. Though my official academic stint is coming to an end, it’s cliché but it’s true, now is when the real learning begins. When does the learning process ever stop after all? Now’s the time to apply all of what I’ve learned here while also trying to make sure that I’m still finding opportunities for production, development, and inspiration.

It can be daunting to stand at the precipice of any big change in your life. Part of us thinks, “well, maybe I could have done more…” Over the last couple of months, my goal has been to make it to the end strong. Now I’m here and I’ve been reflecting over the times where I made mistakes, where maybe I could have gone further. One of the most difficult challenges for me in this moment is recognizing the good work that I’ve done over the past two years and acknowledging that it is worth of celebration. I haven’t come to a solution that instantly takes all the feelings away, but what I have come to is that I can feel proud of my accomplishments, while simultaneously recognizing that there are so many people, places, things, experiences, and memories I am saying goodbye to.

As artists we deal with loss on a continual basis. We work in a collaborative medium that asks us to build relationships with other people and create events that inspire a connection from others still. In the process of creation we need to be able to trust one another and lean into vulnerability. We start to understand the people around us in better ways. And sure, maybe we have our disagreements or our spats, but having this collaborative atmosphere is wonderful because everyone brings so much to the table. Then, when it ends we part ways and go onto other projects. And that’s just the nature of it.

A couple guest artists came recently and spoke to the School of Drama students. What struck me was how they anticipate these feelings and adjust their own artistic schedules and interests to make the transition times easier. Andrea Thome, a playwright, came recently and we talked a bit about her process of collaboration and of making art. She said that she gains a lot of energy by collaboration and so she’s always trying to meet and talk to new people to start new work. Alan Alda said something similar. He told us in a talkback session that as artists it was very important to have interests in something other than just acting (or writing, directing, etc.). He said it was important to have interests in other things because it helps feed you during the times when one project might be over and another isn’t in sight.

Their words of wisdom resonated with me as I try and think what is my next thing? What is on the horizon for me? What are the things I care about and want to develop further? Instantly, my mind is flooded with images of sprinklings of new plays, people I want to re-connect with once I return to the Bay Area (that’s right, I’m coming back!!), my loved ones who I’ve been separated from for so long, and all the other inspiring pieces of life I can’t wait to engage with. Then, I remember the other side of a goodbye and the other side of loss, and that is the beginning that is waiting to happening.

Working Title: Social Gravity

This week Will sets aside his regular juxtaposition of theatre and film to look at his invigorating experience at this years Theatre Bay Area Conference.

There is a key concept of Big Bang Cosmology that states that space is ever expanding and doing so at an accelerating rate. Its called the metric expansion of space. Think of it as the entire scale of the universe growing larger. Every space between the clumps of galaxies getting bigger. As space expands all the celestial gatherings who once were close to each other will grow further and further from one another given enough time. Picture our own Milky Way Galaxy and as the entirety of the space around us increases we drift and settle into compact isolation as the eons roll by. Sometimes I feel that growing further into adulthood has this effect.

It feels like a law of nature or a fact of life and therefore isn’t something that you can get overtly angry about. People grow up, leave home, leave school, leave jobs, start a new life, start a new relationship, start a new family, change communities, change paths, change all the time. Its hard to get mad at a clock for ticking. Yet, it is something that can induce pensive thoughts of times gone by. Or aspects of our lives that we have let drift. Two weeks ago I attended the annual Theatre Bay Area Conference and was struck with an overwhelming sense of how much I miss being more closely entwined with the theatre community in the Bay Area.

For almost a year now, I’ve held a job that regularly works it’s employees 55-70 hours a week. Additionally, only a day to day schedule is provided which all but dashes any kind of plan making. It’s hard to plan a sleeping schedule, let alone plan any theatre involvement. It wears on you. it grinds constantly. On the flip side of that coin, I experienced a rejuvenation by spending mere hours in the company of creative individuals who were passionate and excited about the state of Bay Area theatre today.

The first break out session I attended, Slapping the Monkey: Offensive Theatre, was uniformly funny, challenging, thought-provoking and at times borderline-offensive. The panel was damn fun! It was great to be back in a space where artists of varying kinds (street performers, puppeteers, writers, directors, company artistic directors) flooded the audience with their ideas of creative currency. These discussions filled the time with value. Their myriad opinions of what qualifies as offensive theatre ran the gamut. “Lazy Theatre is offensive” / “Audiences who put up with shitty, sub-standard theatre are offensive. Those audiences offend me as an artist!” / “Street performance by nature is offensive…that’s why I do it.” / “I’ve never been offended by something I thought was good.” This was the kind of discussion that makes you feel glad to be a part of something. Participants and audience members alike were active and engaged with ideas: boundaries of offense, how that relates to good theatre, what goes too far, how much does intent play into offensive, is an artist responsible for the audience reaction, tactics to keep audiences engaged, tactics to offend, the list went on. All in attendance took part in an active discussion of how these things impacted the living organism of Bay Area theatre and us as a community.

It’s was nice to be reminded that we are all working in this community along side each other and not drifting alone out there. I filled the rest of the day by performing a few readings in the playwright workshop, having lunch with a sizable group of enjoyable friends and seeing the closing ceremonies / Glickman Award presentation. To my astounding pleasure, I also stole 20 minutes to audition for a play being produced this fall. It has been an age since I took the time to audition. Going through the motions of adult living has at times made me feel akin to a narcoleptic zombie, half asleep and dead inside. And one day of TBA events served to remind how good it is to feel active and alive. Regardless of how natural it is to drift away from things into adulthood, the only thing that keeps things bound together and of importance to each other is diligence and constant joyous effort. Instead of forever drifting into isolation, I think it’s time to fight towards social gravity and a community that pulls creativity together.