The Five: What I’m Doing Instead of Writing

Anthony R. Miller checks in with procrastination in 5 easy steps.

As 2015 begins, I have a crapload of writing to do this year, I’ve spent the last week getting back into the swing of things, which involves a lot of not writing, this is what I do when I’m not writing, but should be.

Yardwork

Writing leads to getting stuck, getting stuck leads to not writing, not writing leads to pacing in the backyard. There’s leaves in the backyard, weeds too. Leaves don’t rake themselves y’know, pull a few weeds while you’re at it. That’s right, nothing like manual labor to encourage you to write the old fashioned way, after doing yard work. Everybody did yardwork in the olden days, and then they wrote. I’m almost positive. All this yardwork leads to drinking beer.

Grooming

Not writing leads to staring at the computer screen, staring at the computer screen leads to drumming your fingers on the desk. Except your fingers are clacking, why are they clacking? Because your fingernails are long. For Pete’s sake, go to the bathroom and trim your fingernails, and your toenails while you’re at it, wow you just noticed your eyebrows are getting huge, better trim those too. IS THAT A GREY EYEBROW HAIR? Oh god I need a drink.

Organizing Something

Writing leads to listening to music, listening to music leads to thinking about what music you don’t have your computer, which leads to digitizing your entire cd collection, which leads to downloading artwork for albums iTunes doesn’t recognize, which leads to listening to mix CD’s you made for girls in the early 2000’s . This leads to drinking

Falling Deep In A Vortex Of Internet Video

Not writing leads to checking Facebook, checking facebook leads to video suggestions, like Hulk Hogan being interviewed by Arsenio Hall, which leads to watching Vanilla Ice on Arsenio Hall, watch in Arsenio fight the desire to punch Vanilla Ice in the face. This leads to watching Arsenio interview Madonna in 1990, which leads to Madonna being interviewed in 1992, which leads to a newfound appreciation of the song “Like A Prayer”. This leads to going to karaoke, which leads to whiskey, life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone.

Writing Something That Isn’t What I Need To Be Writing

It’s the end of the day, you haven’t written anything you were supposed to write. To make up for it, you tinker with a poem you wrote 4 years ago, you work on a blog post, it occurs to you you’ve never written down your top ten albums of the 90’s. It’s 2AM and you’ve managed to name three characters, it’s been a productive day, I mean, the backyard looks great and my genius playlists are pretty kick ass.

Anthony R. Miller is a Writer, Director, Producer and a wild eyed ticket salesman. You can keep up with is projects at www.awesometheatre.org