You’re Being Watched (Or: Too Much of Everything Except Helen of Troy)

It’s the last Cowan Palace of 2014!

get-attachment-1.aspx

As I write this, a yawn catches my throat. Not from boredom but from sheer exhaustion. I mean, I can’t be alone in proclaiming this year a tiring one, right? Hands down, 2014 will go be remembered in the Ashley Cowan history books as a time of action, impact, and extremes. Within the same time frame, I’ve experienced huge highs of celebration and joy and also cried harder and used more profanity than ever before.

For being such a dramatic year though, I have to mention that I also completed it without acting in a play! Aside from some staged readings, I’ve gone through these last few months sans a production to truly call my own. A first for my time in the Bay Area. But yet it’s been an interesting writing year for me. Along with hitting some personal goals, I’ve also angered and hurt people through writing Cowan Palace that I never intended or imagined would be so impacted or influenced. And that’s a heavy heartbreak I think about everyday. While I don’t regret being truthful to myself and all of you, I am sorry if my words wounded as that was never what I set out to accomplish. Sometimes my feelings got the best of me and I didn’t always realize how they could be understood. With all the moments of this past year, I know I’ll look back and realize all the things I learned and all the things I was meant to learn.

And, I’m not the only one. Last night, my fellow Theater Pub bloggers met for our semi annual discussion to chat about areas we’d like to celebrate and places we could improve.

Overall, we seemed optimistic and eager to take the lessons of 2014 into a new year. And the big theme of the evening was, “you’re being watched”. Meaning, folks are turning to us as a media source. We’re writing things that people are paying attention to and we’re continuing to take a stance in the Bay Area theater scene. Cool, right? So thank you for that!

And, duh, I’m not saying that EVERYONE is watching us and we’re tots the most popular thing in town; but in terms of the local artistic community, we’re a voice that continues to get stronger. Which is something that comes with responsibility.

I’m grateful to be a part of that. I’ve been humbled these past several months in countless ways. Somehow, I found a comfort in admitting my fears and frustrations as a theater-maker and as a gal just trying to get through the day through this blog. I’m grateful to be involved with a team of other writers who have helped pushed me forward when I needed a little more strength and also who could balance my thoughts when I wanted to let my emotions drive.

In the middle of our meeting break, Stuart shared with me a fortune he received recently that he’s decided to keep close to heart (literally, he’s carrying it around because it’s a good one). It reads, “You will continue to take chances and be glad you did”.

I’m going to steal that thought for a bit. Yes, most of the time, this year felt like “too much” of just everything. Too many changes, too many feelings, and not enough time to process it. But, I think it also made us bolder and braver. Partially, because we didn’t really have a choice. We had to keep going, we had to move forward.

But, I am tired! And I’m ready to let everything settle again. Next year will be full of new things, too. I aim to be better blogger and a stronger member of this community because if you are watching, I’d like to make you proud. Or at least, entertain you with my struggles. And maybe next year, I’ll attempt to actually include Helen of Troy in a blog (because for some reason, Stuart’s blogs about her continue to be some of Theater Pub’s most popular articles)! Until then, many thanks to my fellow Theater Pub writers and to all of you who have made 2014 so wondrous.

get-attachment.aspx

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s