Everything Is Already Something Week 15: 29 Questions I asked Myself On My 29th Birthday

Allison Page turns 29 today. So this is what you get.

Q: How you doin’?

A: You know what? Pretty fuckin’ good.

Q: Not hungover?

A: Not really, which is sort of a surprise.

Q: How does it feel being ever closer to your death? You know, the older you get the more you recognize your own mortality and the fact that you and everyone you’ve ever known will some day die? That the smoky fog of death waits for every man and woman and that it can descend without so much as a warning and then BOOM, it’ll all be over and does anything really matter in the end?

A: REALLY? Come on. I try not to think about that stuff.

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Q: But seriously though…you’re 29. Is this where you thought you’d be at 29?

A: Probably not. I mean, if you had asked me where I’d be at 29 when I was 18 I would have said “Married, probably some kids, probably working as a hair stylist, probably wishing I were still acting.” So, I actually think I’m better off than I thought I would be.

Q: Speaking of marriage –

A: WHAT. WHAT ABOUT IT?

Q: Well…you know…why aren’t you married?

A: I’ve been engaged twice, I left both times because I could tell something wasn’t right. It’s better than being twice divorced before 30, isn’t it?

Q: It’s kind of the same thing.

A: Does this count all as one question?

Q: How’s your career going?

A: Which one?

Q: Don’t be an ass.

A: It’s actually going pretty great. I’m not rich or famous but neither of those things are goals of mine. I feel artistically fulfilled and I’m working on my own project for the next year, which is something I feel I have to do. Especially before I’m 30.

Q: Speaking of which, you’ll be 30 next year.

A: Yes…?

Q: There’s no question, I just wanted to remind you.

A: Fuck off.

Q: Would it kill you to eat a salad?

A: I’m working on it. I mean, only very recently have I started to work on it, but I AM working on it.

Q: I see you’re still pretty dedicated to having an outrageous amount of cleavage, are you going to give that up in your old age?

A: I will never give it up. I just feel more comfortable that way.

Q: Interesting…

A: WHAT?

Q: I mean…don’t you think it’s sort of juvenile to feel the need to expose some body part of yours on a daily basis? Shouldn’t you be so comfortable with who you are intellectually, emotionally, artistically and so forth that you focus less on your appearance and more on the things that really define you as a person?

A: Sure, but then why would it matter if I ate a salad?

Q:…Touché. So how’s that personal life going?

A: Pretty great. My boyfriend is nice to me and I have so many friends that I don’t even have time to see them all.

Q: That was a little braggy. Don’t you think you might be trying to cling onto your youth by way of dating a younger man?

A: Potentially.

Q: Doesn’t that bother you?

A: No.

Q: How does it feel to have your own apartment?

A: Amazing. I’ve been here for a year now and it’s so important to me to have my own little space now – I can’t imagine going back to living with a house full of circus performers. Or sleeping on someone’s floor. Or not having a bed.

Q: People got really excited about the blog you wrote about not going to college…why?

A: I don’t know. I guess people identified with the under dog. And everyone likes a success story.

Q: Is it really a success story, though? Like, what defines success? It’s not like you’re done living. Everything could go to shit tomorrow and then you’re no longer a success story; you’re a tragedy. Even if you were on Broadway and everyone loved you – you still have to go on achieving things or you become someone who was formerly a success and is now just sort of sad and unemployed, right?

A: That’s incredibly grim and I don’t enjoy thinking that way.

Q: Just tryin’ to keep you grounded, girl. Is your favorite color still blue?

A: Absolutely.

Q: Are you sad you don’t have a dog?

A: You have no idea. I love dogs.

Q: I know. I mean, I’m you.

A: Right.

Q: Do feel different? Because you’re 29 today and yesterday you were not?

A: Not yet. Maybe it’ll sink in more later. Or maybe that won’t happen until I’m 30.

Q: Do you feel lazy?

A: Yes. No matter how much I’m doing, I feel like I should be doing more.

Q: Sounds like a disorder. Do you feel like a good person?

A: Jesus. I don’t know. What’s a good person, really? I don’t walk down the street punching children in the face, or committing hate crimes, or eat at a restaurant without leaving a tip. Am I saving babies from burning buildings? No, I’m not, but I’m also not setting those buildings on fire.

Q: Do you think you’re cynical?

A: I think I’m realistic.

Q: It seems like you don’t feel threatened by other women anymore, when did that happen?

A: I don’t know, but it’s nice to be able to appreciate someone else’s talents without thinking that they diminish my own.

Q: What do you think other people really think about you?

A: That’s a tough one. I think about that a lot. It’s sort of impossible to know how you’re really being perceived unless you run into yourself on the sidewalk. I hope people like me.

Q: Do you NEED them to like you? That would be kind of sad.

A: No, I don’t need them to like me, I don’t think…I guess I’m not sure. I know I don’t want them to hate me, but I’m not sure if that’s the same thing.

Q: Are you ever going to stop coloring your hair such an absurdly dark color and let yourself be the blonde that you really are?

A: But it makes my eyes look pretty!

Q: You’re too vain.

A: I’m so vain, I probably think this blog is about me.

Q: Shut up. You know not everything has to be a joke, right?

A: No. I don’t know that.

Q: Do you think you’re getting too comfortable working with the same people over and over again? Don’t you think it’s time to broaden your horizons?

A: I do think about that. The problem is that I really like my people, and these other people are currently just creepy strangers. We’ll see what the year brings.

Q: Hey, remember that one time you kissed a guy against his will?

A: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THAT?

Q: Because it’s a reeeeaaally good story.

A: I know, it really is, but I’m not going to tell it right now. Though I’m embarrassed just thinking about it.

Q: Why are you so obsessed with lumberjacks?

A: It’s probably because I adore masculinity and I find brute force charming.

Q: Weird.

A: I know. I’m not saying it’s normal.

Q: Choose one word to describe the year you hope to have?

A: An adventure.

Q: That’s two words.

A: Just keepin’ you in check.

Q: Yeah, me too.

You can see Allison next at Shipwreck at Booksmith in the Haight, where her erotic fan fiction interpretation of Catcher in the Rye will be read in competition with others. It’s sure to be titillating.

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