Eli Diamond closes out our blog for the year with some final thoughts on 2012 and an eye to the future.
So if you believe in all this stuff, it’s December 21st, 2012, the end of the world. If you don’t believe in it, it’s December 21st 2012, average Friday. To top things off, I’m home with a new set of resolutions for the break and next semester. It’s a strange feeling though, not having seen things such as my grades yet. But, to reflect, there is so much I could have done better. I needed to increase my motivation somehow; to keep myself from missing as many classes as I did last semester. If anything hurts my grades this semester, it was definitely that. I don’t know why I missed as many classes as I did. I think it was a mixture of depression and laziness. I was never the best at doing anything. I could come up with ideas and everything, but recently it’s become so clear to me that intelligence and creativity are nothing without motivation, and self-awareness.
I am now aware that no one is responsible for my happiness except myself. Coming back has made me more aware of that. I’m finally given the chance to breathe after two straight months of increased heart rate. It’s been a nice time home. I’ve been practicing a little bit for next semester, going through some basic voice and speech work, along with some occasional analysis work. My days have been mainly spent with my parents and my girlfriend, and its a nice change; no more nights where my social life feels more like a chore than anything else.
I watched in college as some of my friends made the realization that school wasn’t for them, or drama wasn’t for them, or any sort of thing. And for a while, I questioned that for myself as well. But, now it seems clear that the question isn’t whether or not acting’s my thing, but whether or not I have the energy and motivation to put myself into the work. I feel a little bit guilty for how much time I took off my school, and I hope that next semester, I can change that.
Anyways, enough circular talking, the break has few real plans for me. A few auditions, a few holiday gatherings, a few friends getting together with me, but nothing that stresses me out too much. I’ve been reading a lot more, which has definitely improved my mood (The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolaño – read it), and I’ve also had the resources to actually do things I want to do, like dinner and movies. The balance is going to be much easier over the break, and hopefully, will be something I will be able to carry into the next semester.
See you next year folks!