Falling With Style: Don’t think about pink elephants (or doubt)

Last time, Helen admitted that she still loves theatre, she’s just not *in love* with theatre. So while she waits around to see if the loving feeling comes back, she tries to connect with the underlying creativity that led her to the form in the first place.

I’ve spent the last two weeks moving from Palo Alto to San Francisco. Honestly, ever since I dubbed myself the family project manager for the move, I’ve gotten a little obsessive. The move and its hundreds of to-do’s have consumed most of my waking thoughts. But now here we are, newly carless, about 1/3 of our previous stuff tossed, sold or Goodwill’d, and almost all unpacked.

The other day, in the middle of all this commotion, I was unexpectedly forced to chill out. On Tuesday after dinner, I locked myself and my leash-less dog out on the back porch of the new place. I had no phone, no keys, and short sleeves. I knew my husband would be home late, and I don’t know the area well yet — so I just decided to wait.

I sat and stared into space, with no time-telling mechanism, no other means of distraction except for my imagination and my dog. For the better part of 3 hours, I hardly moved from my spot, huddled against the side of the apartment as the sun set.

It was the first time in ages that I’d spent so long with so little to distract me. I felt the twinge of an old, atrophied muscle as it tried to respond to a stimulus it hadn’t felt in decades.

As a child, I was a wildly creative daydreamer. I’d dream up a story and realize, upon re-focusing in the real world, that the dragon I thought I’d seen was actually the backpack sitting in front of me. I remember writing fables, plays, picture books — all by hand in loopy cursive. But it’s been many years since my last great picture book, entitled “Socks: The White House Cat.”

The type of mind-wandering I engaged in on Tuesday goes by many names, but whatever you call it — meditation, flow, imagination, sweat lodge-induced hallucination — it is the breeding ground for creative inspiration.

Where I’m at now feels like a Catch-22: I’ve been shying away from creating space for flow because it feels like it takes so long to get anywhere “useful.” Or, to say it another way: because my muscle is so out of shape, I need a lot of time to get plugged in to a place where the creativity is flowing. As I sit there waiting for flow to hit, I get anxious and doubtful about how my time is being used. (“Ugh! I could be crossing so many other things off my list right now!”) And of course, every time the doubt creeps in, my chances of finding flow in that sitting are all but nil.

I’d laugh if I weren’t so frustrated, because the lesson I’m learning from this quest to regain creative flow is one that’s already made itself known in my relationship, my personal spiritual practice, and my career search. The lesson, which I keep trying to get a second opinion on, is that I can’t control a thing, and furthermore, life is going to unfold however it damn well pleases.

Helen Laroche is a writer and artist living in San Francisco. You can learn more about her upcoming projects atwww.helenlaroche.com.

Cowan Palace: Sci-Fi Thoughts and Imagining the Future

This week Ashley Cowan shares some feelings about the sci-fi genre.

Looking for an escape from reality? In a land where anything is imaginable? You’re not alone!

Theater Pub’s newest production THE PUB FROM ANOTHER WORLD offers you a chance to experience the infinite possibilities of science fiction with the timeless art of the theater. Which, let’s be honest, is rather rare as the impressive imaginings of the genre can be hard to capture live on stage. But this is Theater Pub we’re talking about here! It’s full of magic! And beer!

But seriously, what’s up with sci-fi? And why is it worth exploring? Well, for one thing, it’s relatively tricky to properly outline as the number of subgenres associated with science fiction continue to populate. But just to give you some food for thought, here are six reasons sci-fi is important:

1.) It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment science fiction became the category it is today. Some believe it grew out of the scientific revolution while there are those who consider it a result of human history as it’s often used as a reflection to explore a variety of cultural and social progressions.

2.) It’s everywhere. It’s not just in literature anymore; pop culture has developed sci-fi into a genre found in television, movies, video games, and even theater. Science fiction provides a creative outlet to further question our human relationship with the world surrounding us. As scientific developments continue to boggle the minds of citizens everywhere, the sci-fi genre grows as well.

3.) Science fiction opens a door of opportunity. It allows us to explore the inquisitive nature of “what if”. Often operating in accordance to basic scientific rules, works of this genre take the principles one step further by incorporating imagined technologies. What is potentially exciting (and possibly terrifying) is our fictional tales of today may be the scientific realities of tomorrow.

4.) Beyond science though, the root of the genre lies within the human condition and putting it under a different microscope. Facing unexpected tribulations is something we can all relate to; and the stories involving people just like us who are forced to survive the complicated twists and turns of solid science fictional antics often prove to be the most rewarding as they provide a glimpse into what may be next for mankind and how we’ll handle it. Science fiction has become a means of expressing feelings of change and a tool for thinking about the future. We can envision a world that may be different than our existing one by meeting current challenges and honestly identifying our opinions on them.

5.) Thinking about the development of science fiction, it’s interesting to imagine what the genre meant throughout various points in history. As we’ve used storytelling as a means to connect for centuries, the imaginings before modern advancements like electricity would be vastly different that those of today. Some say science fiction is a product of ancient mythology and it’s a fascinating concept to envision what impossibilities that once filled their thoughts have become a part of our day-to-day life.

6.) Have I mentioned the subgenres? They are endless! Here are just six of the big ones:

·      Hard Science Fiction: it’s the most hardcore of the group using a base of the smarty pant sciences like chemistry and astrophysics.

·      Soft (and Social) Science Fiction: this one deals in more psychological elements. Usually, the main focus is on the emotional content of the characters.

·      Time Travel: if you were a kid in the Cowan household then this one may be for you. We were raised on The Time Machine (both the book and film), which is said to be where the term “time machine” originated. Since then though, it’s become incredibly popular as a means to explore the concept of our actions in relation to their true consequences.

·      Alternate Reality: this category operates on the idea that perhaps our lives are comprised of several different possible existences and allowing those to play out in altered ways can yield endless stories.

·      Fantasy: this magical subgenre can be a big one as it combines elements of supernatural powers with some of the more common sci-fi themes.

·      Horror: made for those who appreciate gore and a good jolt. Sometimes graphic, sometimes frightening, this subgenre can assume a variety of scary stories.

As you can see, science fiction is a pretty big deal. So unless you have a time machine ready, mark those calendars for this Monday, May 20, at 8pm and watch some of these ideas come to life. You’ll laugh, you’ll be amazed, and you’ll get to escape to a place where monsters can enjoy a drink with a unicorn, superheroes and scientists can share a laugh, and where anything is possible.

Tuesdays With Annie: An Interview With Amy Sass

For her last article, Annie Paladino brings you an interview with Amy Sass, the writer/director of Time Sensitive. It’s meaty, and well worth the read.

Going into our final weekend of performances for Time Sensitive, I’m nursing a growing twinge of panic about leaving this particular group of artists, as well as the larger Bay Area theater community (I pack everything into a U-Haul and drive up to Seattle on May 31st). And so I’m cherishing this interview as a sort of good-bye, a personal dissertation that I can hang on to in a few months when I find myself in an entirely new artistic community (in my soon-to-be-purchased 100 pairs of rainboots, I assume). I wish I could do this for every artist I’ve worked with and been inspired by since I moved to San Francisco nearly 4 years ago.

Shh, Annie. Enough aimless ramblings about feelings I don’t quite understand. Get to the interview.

Okay, Annie. But one last shamelss plug: Time Sensitive has 3 more performances. This Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at 8:00pm. Read the interview and come. These performances WILL sell out though, so get your tickets NOW.

Interview commencing in 3…2…1…

When did Time Sensitive first begin?

Amy Sass: The ideas for the script have been percolating for a few years, now, initially inspired by my own struggles with Insomnia, fertility and work load. But then branching out to look at the pace of life that surrounds me from a larger perspective, the melting of the ice caps, and all the toys and gadgets and fast food etc. that increase productivity but create an addiction to access and instantaneousness.

How long was the rehearsal process? What are some advantages to this method of play making?

Amy Sass: About 4 months. It was wonderful. Originally I wanted to have the script finished by the first rehearsal, but that didn’t happen. What did happen then was that I had the opportunity to include my actors in my process. It was a much more rough and raw way of working then I had imagined but it was super fun to bring in hot-off-the-press versions of scenes and put them immediately on their feet. Which led to lots of discussions about theme and character and plot that inspired me as I furiously wrote the next batch. Also a long rehearsal period…if you consider 4 months long…which some people don’t…allows the ensemble to become super strong. Each individual’s skills grow, the connection grows and soon you’ve got this powerhouse of a group on stage making impossible things happen. The collaborative potential sky rockets.

From the writers perspective, when you walked in to first creative development, what did you know? What did you not know? Did you know you would be writing 4 separate story lines?

Amy Sass: I knew I needed to write something that would offer a certain amount of roles. I try to create enough challenges and opportunities to showcase both the individuals and the ensemble work as a whole- physically and vocally. I knew there would be a Clockwork Kid. I knew there would be a Clockmaker. The image of the Ouroborus became important as a concept. I knew there would be Ice. I knew there would be Monks. But beyond that…not much else. Then one day Bill started writing himself. This lone guy at the top of the tallest tower. And so the geography of the city started to become clear…we were dealing with Up and Down. We were dealing with status and verticality. We were also dealing with a city with no perimeter, a landscape of endless urbanization…so once I had Bill, the geography and the value system fell into place. I had the guy at the top. So naturally I had to figure out who lived at the bottom. Hence Roach and Penny.

What were some of the challenges facing you at the start of the process? How did you resolve them?

Amy Sass: This script had to be written very fast. It took me 2 months to write it but it was a writing marathon. Good thing I live with an actor so we can read things immediately after they are written and I know right away what lands and what doesn’t. One thing that helped was that my Dramaturge, Adam Sussman, recommended the book “A Sideways Look At Time” by Jay Griffiths. This book was a tremendous Ah Ha for me. The lexicon of the play was derived from this book. Also we did not have a space for this performance. It took all through December to secure Sanctuary for the Arts. That was a big challenge for me in that I’d prefer to write specifically for a venue. And this venue ended up being very very different from what I had imagined for the script. However, I was blessed with excellent designers and so Erik LaDue (set designer) did an enormous job transforming the space and creating a set that pierced the womblike room so that we could do some very dynamic staging. And clever Linda Baumgardner created lighting magic with very few resources.

Talk a little about the role of the ensemble in creating the story. How much of the final product was script and direction, and how much came from the ensemble?

Amy Sass: I’m a director and a writer and a visual artist. I think in choreography and images. So stage picture is a huge way that I convey story. The writing on the page is based on what I see in my head choreographically. So for me it is all linked. The actors also bring their own skills, which influences the evolution of the piece. The chant of Da Pachem would not be in the show at all if it wasn’t for DiLecia Childress, whose grandfather used to sing it to her as a child. And Liz Wand just happens to have the musical skills to arrange it and teach it. The Ice Monks would not be chanting the history of the eons if it wasn’t for the science minds in the group like actors: Phil Wharten, Soren Santos and Ice Designer, Carter Brooks who helped me figure out which eons and epochs to use. And the audience seating would not be arranged the way it was if it wasn’t for actor, Tony Agresti, who had a vision and the vision worked. Also I should say that any artist (actor, designer, dramaturge etc) working with Ragged Wing finds that everyone is asked to have a directorial eye at some point. In rehearsals I’m going to be asking whoever is sitting around: What does this staging say to you? Which is more effective: up on the plat or down on the floor? Come look at this. What do you see? Why is this not working? If you’ve got a particular skill in our group, you will most likely find yourself becoming a coach of some sort in the process whether its with choreography, singing, contact acrobatics…etc. If you’re a writer, I’m going to say- Take a look at this section. So I bear the responsibility for the script and the direction and the rehearsal culture. But each show is so specific to those that participated in creating it. And when I use the word Ensemble, I also include myself in that word too. We are deeply collaborative and part of that means fostering strong leaders across the board.

You wear many hats in the production. How do you negotiate your writer brain with your directors brain with your artists visual brain? i.e. How do you manage your hats?

Amy Sass: There are lots of hats. The more I do it, the more the hats start to look like one hat. Meaning that I’m getting better at weaving my different brains together. The most challenging part is moving from one mode to the next since it takes me a while to get in the flow for each thing. For instance, even before the script is really done, the poster image has to be in progress. Or the script was finished yesterday and I’m already meeting with designers before I’ve gotten a chance to even really think like a director and prepare. Or I’m casting while I’m still writing. So I wish I had a little bit more time/space in between finishing one thing before moving onto the next. Even so, I do feel like the way things overlap has forced me to trust my gut and make bold decisions based on instinct. Which is scary but in some ways is best.

The stage/audience set-up is unusual — kind of a combo thrust/lane-style seating arrangement. What was the hardest thing about directing for this set-up? What was the most unexpected benefit?

Amy Sass: The most challenging aspect was sight lines. Most things that are tried and true on a proscenium stage or even on a thrust, just didn’t work in terms of sight lines. For instance, two people standing next to each other having a conversation was not possible. Diagonals were not possible. The interesting thing was that things that do not work in a traditional configuration, worked great with this one. For instance one person standing directly behind another person worked really well for 99% of the seats in the house. Because of this configuration, scenes that usually take 20 minutes to block ended up taking a full 2 hours or more. This was difficult in terms of time management. However, the results are really worth it. The set just pierces through the audience creating gorgeously sculptural scenes. The thing became a whole landscape (city street and glacier) and the performers, when positioned properly, gain so much power just by the force of dynamic spatial relationship.

As we’ve mentioned, this was (by most standards) a somewhat extended rehearsal process. Did you learn anything new or surprising about your own script throughout the rehearsal process?

Amy Sass: Oh yes. I’m accustomed to starting official rehearsals with a completed script, so only having it 1/3 complete was a source of stress. However, the way the process rolled forward with the company deeply involved and playing with the writing…this fluidity created character trajectories that I just did not see coming. That playfulness and interaction allowed me to be more brave as a writer. Once the script was a final working draft, it was very interesting to try to figure out how each plot point informed the next one. And the purpose of the choral sections, the clocks, the ice monks became much more clear once we started putting it on its feet. The most challenging part of the work was creating the order of scenes which took 3 full days.

A LOT of this script is extremely musical and rhythmic. Dnd the way you directed us in the text was essentially a process of learning a musical score. Personally I’ve worked this way before, but it’s not very common, I feel. A really big/vague question: why do you write/direct this way? Have you worked other ways and rejected them?

Amy Sass: As a young artist, I grew up as a part of a very intense theater ensemble, working with professional theater artists who valued rhythm, music and the power of the greek chorus. A lot of my early training was steeped in action as rhythm and words as music. We also trained in naturalism and did our fair share of ‘straight plays’… but it was the avant garde work that was especially chilling to me and much of that had strong rhythmic storytelling components and visual design elements. It’s funny, because I’m not a musician, but there is a music to how I write and direct.  I’m very particular about the rhythmic timing of action and visuals on stage. So a certain musicality is inherent in my taste and artistic value system.

Something you said in rehearsal really stood out to me at the time, and I wrote it down. “Theater isn’t about being authentic, theater is about being repeatable.” Can you explain this a little bit, especially in the context of the process for Time Sensitive?

Amy Sass: Our primary goal as theater artists is to communicate. This means knowing your craft inside and out. Know where you are standing and why. Know when you are breathing and why that adds to the delivery of the moment. Know who is behind you on stage and what that sensory connection is. Authenticity is important, sure, but the practice really comes in being able to find it each time and to hit your marks so the delivery is solid, a known factor and not in and out based on your personal emotions that night. For me, it’s about scene partner reliability. Just like in acrobatics, no one wants to do a double flip with a partner who can’t base you dependably, who changes things night to night based on how they feel. Acting is the same. Some people think that if they are ‘feeling it’, then the audience is too. Not always the case. Sometimes, when an actor is feeling it, then he/she does all the work and there’s nothing left for the audience to do. What I’m saying is that the audience is primary. It has to be what works for them and what communicates, since that’s our job. Sometimes that will mean the audience and actor will get to feel it at the same moment, but not always. And truly, it’s easy to change from night to night. It’s more of a challenge to hold the paradox of hitting those marks while still keeping it fresh and connecting to the present moment. That creates dynamic tension and effort which is very compelling. For TS, the work is so musical, so dependent on the large group operating as one mind. Lots of moving parts. You need to have a sense of everyone all the time. Precision is a big element of virtuosity. And lastly, I will say that the most important thing to feel is connection. To your partners, to the audience, to the air and your feet on the ground, to your own body and to the physical sensations in the space. Everything else will flow from that.

Your favorite line in the play?

Amy Sass: Steak. Steak. Heat it up. Steak!

Special thanks to David Stein for several of the first interview questions here.

Annie Paladino is a Bay Area (soon to be Seattle-based!) actor, director, producer, and stage manager. You can find her on Twitter @anniepaladino. She loves you all and has started what seems like an endless string of tearful goodbyes. Be warned, you’re next.

Theater Conservatory Confidential: So long, And Thanks For All The Rehearsal!

Eli Diamond prepares to sign off.

So it’s finally over. My last scene of the year, and my last scene with Atlantic Acting School, went up today to a wonderful response, and I am incredibly glad that Dog Sees God is the note I will be leaving here on. It’s been a rough year, full of breakdowns and stress-cries, but in the end, I think it was what I needed. It was a wake-up call; a chance for me to begin to see my life from a different perspective. Instead of being down in the dumps all the time, I needed to start thinking a bit more positively, and I have. Slowly but surely, I have become more comfortable in my own skin, as an actor and as a person, and this summer, I hope I will have a chance to show some of that off.

My plans for the summer mostly involve an internship and a trip to Cape Cod, but I hope to be doing a couple of shows. This freedom that the summer, and next year, offers me is wonderful. I’m excited to use what I learned at Atlantic to push myself into directions I never expected. I cannot wait to begin working with people, and applying the technique to actual plays rather than just class-work. My relationships with my friends back home will be revisited and hopefully expanded upon. This to me, felt like one giant rehearsal for my life.

That’s not to say that I don’t hope to stay in contact with everyone here. There are many wonderful people who I am incredibly glad I got to meet. I’m just sad because I realize that odds of me staying in contact with 85% of them is incredibly slim. I never fit in the way I wanted to, but that’s okay, because that taught me a lot about myself, and ways I could work on being the me who I want to be. I am happier now, because I feel like, for once, I am confident and calm just being myself.

I’m Elijah Diamond, and I’m pretty damn weird, but I love that. I love video games and theatre, and all sorts of random shit. Staying at home next year will be a little bit of a drag, but I hope to rent an apartment or something within the course of the year, but until then, I’ve just gotta wait for my registration for City College courses. That is, if they aren’t already full.

Hi-Ho The Glamorous Life: A Day in the Life of My Ideal Self

Marissa Skudlarek has too much to do… or is it just enough?

When I was a freshman in high school, my parents decided I was overscheduled, and took actions to remedy this. They made me write out a list of all of the activities I was taking part in (the school play, piano lessons, a local youth choir, etc.) and estimate how many hours per week each activity took — then told me I had to quit at least two of these activities, no ifs, ands, or buts. They were trying to teach me a valuable life lesson, but I remember the experience as highly traumatic. Especially because the activity I most wanted to quit was going to church at 10:30 AM every Sunday — but my parents told me that that was the one thing I couldn’t give up.

Despite my parents’ efforts, the lesson didn’t sink in: I still persist in my willful, adolescent belief that I should keep as busy as possible. I should fill my days with exciting, intellectually stimulating, and challenging activities — and should leave an hour at the end of each day to write about it in my journal, filling the pages with witty and profound observations. Moreover, I should be able to live the life of a would-be girl-about-town while also getting eight hours of sleep per night, cooking myself nutritious meals, and keeping my house clean and my clothes in good repair. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget that I have a nine-to-five day job that demands my diligent attention. And the thought that I might not be physically able to do this — that there might not be enough hours in the day to live my ideal life — fills me with the same stubborn resistance that I had back when my parents told me I was overscheduled and forced me to quit some of my activities. “I am smart and capable,” I say, “so I should be able to do everything, solve everything, care about everything, and make the most of my brief time on planet Earth. Carpe diem!”

But then, you know what I do when I have a day off? I sleep in, I laze around in bed, I take a walk, phone my parents, write in my journal, and then berate myself for not having done more. And sometimes, when I have a column to write for Theater Pub’s blog, you know what happens? I rack my brain, but draw a blank — and then I end up writing any old kind of tosh, which might not even have much to do with theater and perhaps would be better saved for my journal. So where does that leave my expectation that, because I am a writer, I should be able to come up with eloquent sentences, well-organized paragraphs, and brilliant insights on command?

But I persist in writing about this topic, because I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way. In moods like these, I recall a section from Claire Rice’s play-in-progress, English for Beginners, which she is posting on her blog. The play is somewhat of a roman à clef (pièce à clef?), as it deals with a group of playwrights on a writing retreat in the Marin Headlands. There’s also an interlude where all of the characters describe their writing routines and, if you’re a playwright, I guarantee that you’ll recognize yourself in at least one of these monologues. Mostly, I find myself thinking about the following speech, which perfectly describes the tension I feel between the vision I have of my Ideal Self and my overscheduled, neurotic, messy, exhausted Real Self.

JULIA: I need a routine. I’m not a good writer. And I don’t mean that what I end up writing isn’t good and I’m not fishing for compliments. I mean, I feel like good writers do have a routine. I feel like there is a version of my perfect self out there and if I can just get to it I will be a good writer. The perfect version of myself wakes up early and writes and then goes running and then takes a shower and does her hair. Then she writes some more. Then she spends the afternoon submitting or emailing theatres and artistic directors and directors and making connections. Then, my perfect self writes some more or reads and then she has a salad and soup for dinner. Then she goes to a show. She introduces herself to everyone. Then my perfect self goes out for one beer.  Just one beer. And then she goes home and writes some more. And then my perfect self reads herself to bed. And she’s perfectly happy being alone. And then she sleeps all night and wakes up as fresh as a daisy and does it all over again. Yes. That sounds nice. Then I would be a perfect writer. A good writer. 

I cringed in recognition when I read this monologue. (And I remember having conversations like this with Claire on the N Judah, coming home from Theater Pub late at night. Well, I told you this is a roman à clef.) I know that she is gently mocking the character of Julia for her delusions, and I know that that’s the right thing to do… but then my adolescent stubbornness rears its head, demanding “Why can’t I be my Perfect Self? Why can’t I float through life with both elegance and diligence?”

As a writer, I know that limits can be paradoxically freeing. That’s why things like Theater Pub’s Pint-Sized Plays are so popular and successful — it’s easier to respond to the assignment “Write a 10-minute play that takes place in a bar” than “Write a play of any length about anything you want.” And yet, in my own life, I chafe against the limitations imposed by the 24-hour day, by the commitments I have previously made, by how long I can go without fainting from exhaustion. They say that to be a good writer, you need to gain as much life experience as possible, and to write as much as possible — so why can’t the day be twice as long?

Marissa Skudlarek is a San Francisco-based playwright and arts writer. Find her at marissabidilla.blogspot.com or on Twitter @MarissaSkud. (Her Ideal Self writes twice as many blog posts and has twice as many Twitter followers.)

Everything Is Already Something Week 6: The Off Night

Allison Page tells you all about her no good, very bad day.

Warning: I’m about to be really honest about my shortcomings.

If I’m anything, I’m reliable. I’m consistent. I’m ready to go. I’m on, baby.

Cut to Monday night. I’m at rehearsal. We’re doing a run through in front of some designers. These nice people have not seen any of the other rehearsals.

I had been having an extremely awful day. I very rarely have those in the first place, maybe twice a year, and certainly not ones that stress me out to the point that this one had. That day can only be described as gloomy chaos and/or depressing confusion with a side of terror about the future and an overwhelming sense of foreboding. I didn’t eat anything, and instead had like 4 coffees before rehearsal.

RECIPE FOR SUCCESS, YA’LL.

Aaaaand…GO!

ALLISON: Jeoarb, gjoiw gniwegn ning…woijtow.

LEADING MAN: …what?

ALLISON: Uh…gruabfow fofwep couscous?

LEADING MAN: …what?

And the Tony goes to…ANYONE BUT ME. The entire evening it was like I was speaking in tongues. I distinctly remember hearing my own voice coming out of my mouth and thinking, “Who is that? Who’s talking? Is that a wookie with a head injury and a bunch of pain killers?” It was awful. I couldn’t concentrate. If I was in character it definitely wasn’t the right character. My movements were all alien, my blocking was weird; I just didn’t seem like a person. It was so apparent that Mr. Leading Man looked me in the eyes and whispered “Hey…listen to me, Allison.”, because I hadn’t been. Like, at all. Every one of my lines sounded like I was reading it off of a cue card written in wingdings.

Alas, poor Yorick, he was all...uh...line?

Alas, poor Yorick, he was all…uh…line?

Then came the hat, and all was lost.

There are a few beach scenes in the first act, and for the first time we were trying out some costume pieces. I grab the beach hat and put it on. And it is the size of the moon. Mr. Leading Man takes one look at me and loses his shit. So I start laughing, and then the director starts laughing. And then there’s this weird scattered laughter. It’s not one of those “Oh, we’re having a really good time and everything’s silly!” types of laughter, but an uncomfortable, “For the love of God can’t anything go well right now?!” that felt more like we were laughing against our will. I try to pull together, but it’s nearly useless. I try to reason with myself: “Allison, what would Laurence Olivier do?” and all I come up with is “First of all, he wouldn’t be wearing this fucking hat.” So that doesn’t work. We fling ourselves headlong down the flight of stairs that is the rest of the dialogue and suddenly everything is over. I had this overwhelming feeling that the director’s mind was full of “Wait…why did I cast her in this part, again?” which, to be honest, would have made sense to think about, considering that I wasn’t displaying any of the qualities required by that character for the duration of that rehearsal.

What? Why are you calling me? You KNOW I don't have any reception under this hat.

What? Why are you calling me? You KNOW I don’t have any reception under this hat.

I had gotten through the whole day thinking that rehearsal would save me from the gloomy chaos, and if I could just get there everything was going to be great because we’ve actually had the most wonderful rehearsals. The director is fantastic, the cast is glorious and has this almost perfect chemistry across the board. We actually like being around each other, and we actually like these characters, and we put the work in, and it’s been like cruisin’ on down the river on a gamblin’ boat…or something. I just hated myself for ruining that. That’s how I perceived it, anyway.

I left almost without a word, and proceeded to a bar to drink a bundle of whiskey.

I felt cripplingly guilty. Like an accidental saboteur. When I was satisfied that I’d had just the right amount of whiskey to help me sleep but not dehydrate me the next day – I took a cab home. The driver and I got to talking – what with all the whiskey in my system – and I told him how my day just sucked, start to finish. I mentioned my rehearsal and he said, “Oh, I’m a comedian, so I hear ya.” And I said “So am I!”, he told me his name and I told him mine…and we had never heard of each other. Then I mentioned that I’m a company member of a particular sketch comedy group and he responded with “Ohhh! I saw a show of theirs last year! It was great, and there was this one sketch that I just loved…” and then he started quoting a sketch he had seen over a year ago.

ME: …I wrote that. You just quoted my own sketch back to me.

DRIVER: Seriously?! Oh man, that was so awesome! I was dyin’!

ME: Huh. Small world.

DRIVER: Man, that was great!

ME: I’m so glad you liked it!

DRIVER: I loved it! You’re really talented, so don’t even worry about it.

He gave me his card, I thanked him for the lovely ride, which was basically the only good thing that happened to me that day, and sauntered into the corner store. I bought a frozen pizza, took it home, and ate the entire thing at 1am while silently staring and thinking about the day.

I’ve never allowed myself to have an off day like people do. I can always get through with at least a faint sparkle, but that’s not what happened on Monday. Does that make me some kind of monstrosity or a terrible actor or an unreliable person? More importantly – why am I questioning myself like this? I’m a human and as such, I’m just not ever going to be perfect, particularly if I go around agonizing over that very idea. I’m able to say all of this and not feel all shame-y about it mostly because I went to rehearsal last night and it was nothing like the Monday debacle. I was a person again and I didn’t feel like a failure. When it comes right down to it, I know that I am the person for the job, there’s no question in my mind about that. Well, there was a question in my mind about it on Monday night, but that’s just because I was speaking wingdings to myself. I’m good at what I do, and I had an off night. Those things are not mutually exclusive and I very likely made my night even off-er by beating myself up about it the entire time. And it was just a rehearsal. A rehearsal. That’s all. We’re heading into tech week and I personally plan to be as fucking fantastic as possible and forget that Monday ever existed for me.

After all, I bet even Laurence Olivier had an off day once in a while.

Also, I got a smaller hat.

Tuesdays With Annie: Tune In Next Week

Annie Paladino has something to say… next time.

So. here’s the story:

I was writing a new post about making theater in non-theater spaces. As you may or may not know, Time Sensitive performs in a non-theater space, an old church (now Sanctuary for the Arts) in which we built a stage shaped like a guitar. So I felt compelled to talk about it, as well as my other experiences with non-theater spaces (both as artist and audience).

So. I wrote.

And then I hated it.

Topmost reason being: this is the freaking THEATER PUB blog. What the hell am I doing, writing about theater in non-theater spaces (SUCH AS A BAR) as if it’s novel or as if I have some extremely unique experience. Bay Area theater absolutely ADORES non-theater spaces. There was even an excellent article in TBA magazine about it last year!

So. I scrapped it.

And instead, next week I will be bringing you an interview with Amy Sass, the writer and director of Time Sensitive (and Artistic Director of Ragged Wing Ensemble). And it’ll be the bomb diggity, I promise.

So. Until next week.

(And in the meanwhile — only two more weekends to catch Time Sensitive! That’s six more show, folks!)

The Producer From Another World

In preparation for this month’s Theater Pub, The Pub From Another World, we interviewed producer Sunil Patel about his vision and process for this show.

Take Me To Your Leader

Take Me To Your Leader

Who are you, in a hundred words or less.

I am a voracious consumer of stories in any medium—television, film, video game, book, comic, music, anecdote—who loves words more than anything. I love to create new stories, but I also love introducing people to stories I love. I’m a pop culture fan, a geek, a nerd, and when I love something, my first instinct is to share it. As of this night, I am a writer/actor/director/producer. By day, I work in drug safety and write about people with explosive diarrhea.

How did you get involved in Theater Pub?

I made my Bay Area theater debut with the Thunderbirds in 2010, and it was my first time onstage in seven years, so I was excited to get back into theater. And lo and behold, Theater Pub was holding auditions for The Theban Chronicles, and they didn’t even need monologues! I had gone to the February Theater Pub (the Valentine’s Day show), and it looked like a fun group to work with. I was in three of the four plays, and I got a death scene, and I’ve become more and more involved since then.

So, where did this idea come from?

At the Theater Pub retreat, we were asked to come up with pitches for the next year of Theater Pub. I was excited to be a producer, as I had previously only produced halftime shows, but I didn’t know what to suggest. I didn’t know any obscure plays I wanted to put on. I’ve had an idea for a murder-mystery Theater Pub for a couple years, but I hadn’t gotten it off the ground and I wasn’t going to pitch it if I didn’t think I could write it in time. We had talked a lot about inclusivity, though, and it suddenly hit me: I could create a space for new work. I’m a genre fan and a theater fan, but I don’t see a lot of genre theater, so why not give genre writers an opportunity to write for theater and playwrights an opportunity to write genre? I had the sense that the plays I wanted to see—whether or not they were being written—were not being produced because people look down on genre, so I was going to stand up say, “I will produce your genre plays! Let your geek flag fly!”

What defines something as “genre” and specific to these genres, what defines something as Horror, Sci-Fi and Fantasy?

I am by no means an expert and trying to define “genre” will result in hours of heated conversation in the company I keep, but I see “genre” work as work that uses or is informed by established tropes—which is sort of saying that genre is genre. In general, however, when someone refers to “genre” work, they usually mean the sci-fi/fantasy/horror genres, which are the genres that least resemble the real world. These works tend to take place in a world that is definitely not our own for one reason or another: hence The Pub from Another World.

Defining each genre is just as tricky as defining “genre.” To me, horror is not just about the obvious elements—ghosts, vampires, serial killers, etc.—but about evoking that visceral, primal fear. And in the best horror, the scary thing isn’t just a scary thing but a manifestation of a real, relatable fear. Similarly, sci-fi is not just about spaceships and time travel and aliens but about taking real science and extrapolating the implications. Some people prefer the term “speculative fiction,” which handily eliminates the need for science and brings in more dystopic fiction. These imagined futures can tell us a lot about our present.

Fantasy may be the easiest genre to identify thanks to its long, long history; today, the stories of Greek mythology can seem like fantasy, what with gods transforming into animals and people being magically brought back to life. Fantasy can be speculative as well, but, unlike science fiction, it has less basis in reality. My goal with this project was to tell unreal stories that have real emotion.

We don’t often think of these genres as applying to the theater, but there are many examples of each. What are your favorites in each category?

The first horror play that springs to mind is Nathan Tucker’s Dionysus, which kicked off the first Olympians festival. It really captured that sense of visceral horror. Martin McDonagh’s The Pillowman had one of the most horrifying jump-scares I’ve ever experienced in a theater. And, although they’re a bit more comedic, I love Tim Bauer’s Zombie Town and Kirk Shimano’s Love in the Time of Zombies; both are great examples of the sort of genre theater I’d like to see more of.

I haven’t seen a lot of sci-fi theater, but I read a lot of great sci-fi scripts on the reading committee for Cutting Ball’s RISK IS THIS experimental theater festival a couple years ago. Consider for a second the fact that sci-fi theater is considered “experimental”; could that be why we see so little of it? Two of my favorite scripts—which have received readings but no full productions, to my knowledge—were Garret Groenveld’s The Hummingbirds, a wickedly funny Brazil-esque tale set in a bureaucratic dystopia, and Richard Manley’s This Rough Magic, which uses science fiction ideas to examine basic human truths about how we interact with our families and people in general. I also think Josh Costello’s Little Brother (adapted from the Cory Doctorow novel, produced at Custom Made Theater Company)—one of my favorite plays in recent years—counts as near-future dystopian sci-fi.

I also haven’t seen a lot of fantasy theater, although one of my favorite theater experiences was a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The best example of the sort of fantasy theater I’d like to see was Stuart Bousel’s Giant Bones (adapted from Peter S. Beagle short stories), as it transported the audience to a fantasy world and told stories as compelling as any in the real world.

As the producer, you have a lot of inside knowledge of this event- what are some things you’re really looking forward to sharing with the audience.

Personally, I’m just looking forward to sharing all eight plays with the audience, since they’re all very different and I think there’s something for everyone. I’m also very excited about my cast, since most actors play multiple roles, and I think it will be a real treat for the audience. AJ Davenport, Colleen Egan, Peter Townley, and Olivia Youngers all play three roles, no two alike. But with regards to inside knowledge…in Audrey Scare People Play, the monster, Scare People, is described as being “an octopus monster with wings,” and Meg O’Connor is attempting to make that costume. So I can’t wait to see it myself.

Did the unusual subject matter pose any particular challenges to the process?

See above re: octopus monster with wings. For the most part, however, no one wrote anything too outrageous because they were conscious of the limitations of theater and Cafe Royale specifically. You can do genre theater without a lot of special effects!

This show has a teaser at a bookstore. Tell us more about that and how you made that happen.

I have a good relationship with the people at Borderlands, and my original pitch included the preview reading because people who shop at a genre bookstore are more likely to see a night of genre theater, and vice-versa. It was a way to benefit my favorite bookstore and my favorite theater-in-a-bar. I floated the idea past Alan Beatts, the owner, and he was very receptive. And, to my surprise, he immediately suggested using microphones to broadcast throughout the store and draw people toward the reading and recording the reading as a podcast, which I hadn’t even considered. He wanted to make this the event it deserved to be.

We know you don’t drink, so what’s your favorite thing to order at the Cafe Royale on Theater Pub nights?

Coke. It’s the nectar of the gods. Not the Elder Gods, just the regular gods.

Don’t miss The Pub From Another World, playing one night only on May 20th, at 8 PM, for FREE, at the Cafe Royale!

Pansy #4: Production Meetings and 90’s Porn – Further Preparations for “PANSY”

Evan Johnson continues to chronicle the premiere production of his new show.

Pansy Program Print Ad

Friday May 3, 2013. 1:35pm.

Sunny days in San Francisco, everyone digging into rarely opened Summer clothing drawers. Walking back home along Valencia St. I try to dodge oncoming strollers and an entire Elementary class. I feel like a pasty white mess, all red splotches, nearing sun-stroke. Finally, arriving home, I plop down to write this PANSY blog post for ya’ll.

Where are we at with our show? How’s the PANSY? Well…we are shooting some video segments in less than two weeks, yippee! We’ve got Zack Kasten’s terrific eye to guide the video shoot and run camera. His editing skills are also going to help the video sections feel dated and low-fi. Which is perfect for the “nostalgic-analog-VHS-aesthetic” we’re shooting for.

nostalgic-analog-VHS-aesthetic

One of the scenes we are capturing on digital video takes place at a mythical benefit show for Peter Pansy. It will appear in the piece on an onstage VCR, as Michael (the character from the modern day) presses “PLAY.” I’m glad we got the go-ahead from NCTC to roll on a TV/VCR cart.

I tell ya, this show is a fucking beast. The amount of text is fairly sizable and I still have to find the physicalities and characteristics of my two characters…they have to be specific and distinct. I need to get on the memorization thing pronto, so I can really play when we start rehearsals officially on May 18th.

Let’s see..what else..

Looking at visuals from early 90’s gay nightlife in San Francisco has been a ton of fun. Now it’s time to take the inspirations and run with whatever choices we make as a team. It’s been a treat meeting the designers and discussing possibilities, from scenic choices to the video sections as well as the soundscape Teddy Hulsker is creating. Check out this awesome video of LeMay performing at Klubstitute in San Francisco circa 1994ish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SkrgJwFFRQ

All of the elements need to of course work in tandem and my role as playwright and actor are fused, so there’s an interesting duality to my input. I feel like sometimes my opinions are more from a place of “what the audience will experience” and other suggestions are more geared towards what I as a performer will need, to get from point A to point B. It’s a lot to juggle sometimes, which is why I’m always so glad Ben Randle (Director of PANSY) is there, he’s super on point with the practicalities and the more brainstormy-just-throwing-out-ideas stuff.

In other news…I’ve been doing some research on early 90’s porn and that’s been….well, fun! I think Vivid Man’s VHS classic “Mindscape 2” (1992) is the one I’d like to include, in the scene where Peter Pansy brings his trick home. I really wanted a clip that was cheesy for it’s special effects and/or dialogue and this one definitely delivers. Here’s hoping we can steal the cip without any legal repercussions. Though, I wouldn’t mind a little controversy, they say any press is good press, right? So, maybe I should say: Bring it on Vivid Man!

mindscape2 copy

Well, we will keep on keepin’ on..and by the time I write my next blog post we’ll have shot that benefit video and another scene we’re shooting in front of The Stud Bar. And…in the next blog, I’ll be just about to start rehearsals. My aim is to be 100% off book by then. I better get to memorizing! I’ll let you know how I do!

Enjoy this weather ya’ll. I live for days like this.

-Evan
Writer/Performer for PANSY

Falling With Style: Come The Revolution, What Will You Call Yourself?

Helen Laroche is on the outs with the form.

It’s been a whirlwind couple of weeks, and it boils down to this: I think theater and I are on a break.

I had a conversation with a friend recently. Let’s call her Susan. Susan is a young San Francisco-based director, and like me, she’s in a stable relationship, trying to figure out where art fits in her life. At lunch one day, Susan and I talked about art, and theater, and her recent realization that every theater-maker she’s met has a slightly different reason for doing theater. Some people do theater for the rush of being on stage. Some do it to help heal themselves and others. Some people want to escape, want to be told they’re good, want a position of power, want to be famous. And then each of us admitted a fear, that perhaps our personal reasons for doing theater aren’t potent enough the keep the fire going indefinitely.

“But what happens if the fire does go out?” Susan was concerned about losing her “one line bio” identity as an artist. “When I ‘came out’ to my family as an artist,” she said, “they railed against it but finally accepted it. So what right have I to change my mind again?”

I’ve been thinking about our conversation a lot because I’ve noticed myself pulling myself out of the audition circuit. I don’t like my new headshot. I’m not proud of my technique. It’s not fun anymore.

I’ve lost the love.

And like in any relationship, that’s no surprise. Love waxes and wanes, and sometimes it lies fallow for a scary amount of time. It usually comes back — but knowing that intellectually doesn’t make it any less scary emotionally. The one-phrase bio of my existence is in peril! As I said to Susan, “If I’m not a theater person, who am I?”

The question comes at a time where a lot of the things that could potentially define me are in flux. In the past month, I sold my car and quite a few of my possessions, reached the end date of my internship, and signed a lease on a San Francisco apartment after living on the peninsula for half a dozen years.

When I started this column, I thought I’d be sharing my journey towards being a Bay Area theater artist. But you can only steer your life so much — sometimes the Flying Spaghetti Monster has other sauces for you to try. My creativity stores are feeling quite low right now, so my next few columns will focus on attempts in the upcoming weeks to replenish my artsy mojo.